i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm always down for nudity.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
