he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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