Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
