I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
