hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize