i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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