I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
