kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
