girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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