census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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