i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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