Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize