Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
