I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
