last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
