Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
