Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
