Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
