As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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