I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
