my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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