You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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