Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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