After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize