8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
