checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
