those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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