everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize