I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
