I accidentally burped into my bong.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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