My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
