Swine flu. Run for my life!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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