The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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