Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize