oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
