Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
