At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Enjoy the penises
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
