I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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