just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
