my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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