i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
