Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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