Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
