There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
