I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
