D3 body, D1 cock
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
