You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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