Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
