I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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