I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
