farters have to be the big spoon...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
