And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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