worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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