what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
