Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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