I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
