she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
