dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
