I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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