your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
