Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
