Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
