did you get engaged???
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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