You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm like, not good at living.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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