Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
