i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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