Your face is a jimmy john
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
